Dove Fail

So Dove chocolates give you a nice little message inside, like a fortune cookie...

"Dance to music even if it is only in your head" - fail!  if you dance to music only in your head you look like a crazy person. I suppose I should talk to the voices too?

Oh Mom

My mom loves the Chappelle Show, not that it's not funny, but it's out of the ordinary my mom likes it.

Move Bitch

"Move Bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way.... I'm doin' a hundred on the highway, so if you do the speed limit, get the fuck outta my way.."

Well the point is, why do people think driving in the fast-lane is their God-given right?? It is NOT the lane to go 65, just because you can (yeah yeah speed limit blah blah).  Stay in the slow lane with the trucks for goodness sake.

Enough already

Will someone please tie Michelle Duggar's tubes already? 19 kids is more than enough, and you don't need any more! I mean at this point do they just slide out with ease? It's gotta be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway for Jim Bob.

Naive

Just cause I haven't bought a house, and I may be young doesn't mean I'm a complete moron.  I mean yes, there are parts of the process I may never understand, but your bullshit fees aren't getting past me.  You'll need to justify each and every one of them.  The more you have, the more nit picky I'll get.  Think of it as me auditing you, I mean it's the least you could do when I feel like I'm grabbing my ankles with "Loan origination charges".

Cake only

I don't like the idea of cupcakes as a wedding cake, I may even hate it.  Maybe I'm just too traditional, but it makes it seem like a birthday cake than a wedding cake.  I guess I'm not down with the cupcake craze going on either.  But my cake will be one big cake, not cupcakes.

Here's a tip!

Why are tips expected and even included in things? A tip is earned and shouldn't be expected. You're doing your job, generally not anything extraordinary. And why if you do a shitty job at your job I still feel guilty leaving you a bad tip. What's wrong with that picture?

Stupid Bands

Silly Bands - I don't understand this craze.    Why would you wear a band shaped like something around your wrist like it's cool?

Ding dong

I can't wait to get married... stupid friends tying the knot puts ideas in my head.

Maybe I just want a pretty wedding dress.

Vino

Wine is delicious.  Only negative about moving out is the wine cellar doesn't come with me.  Oh how I'll miss the plentiful and scrumptious stash kept by the parentals.

Mmmm

Skirt steak is delicious.

Is it that bad?

Why do we stay in relationships (friendships and otherwise) that are bad?  Maybe not "bad", but probably not a good idea?

That's the pits. Literally

Bum BO might very well be the worst smell ever. Although tied with urine. Stupid downtown covered in bums. if I give you a dollar will you shower or buy deodorant in lieu of booze? Just once?

I think you're confused

So getting an email regarding a site tour of a local wind farm... we were given the following instruction: "if you have a hard hat, please bring it with you".... you realize this email only went to accountants, right?... I wouldn't say that is part of our issued uniform.... a 10-key perhaps...

In person

Is it easier to tell someone how you feel/have an argument/confrontation not in person because you are less vulnerable?

Can you hear me?

Anyone else unable to scream when necessary in a dream (well nightmare)?  I try, but no sound comes out.  No? Just me?

No I don't want a sample!

Can we just get rid of mall kiosks? They really damper my shopping experience. I don't want a sample of your potion or lotion, nor do I want you to straighten my hair.

Oh well

I can't wait to bedazzle my new jersey.  Probably degrades the player (if they knew), but I like bling-bling.

Time

Is there an amount of time where an apology and/or forgiveness is assumed?  Does it still need to be said?  I think yes.

Decide

"You can be fat and jolly, or skinny and bitchy. But you can't be both!"

Hair

A great hair day makes your day. Just as a bad hair can ruin one.

Free

Why wouldn't you sleep naked?

Burp

Some burps taste really bad.

Like Broccoli, beer and hot dog - not that it will stop me from indulging in them; just an observation.

NOrange

Artificial orange flavor is the worst one... Skittles, runts, starburst sweet tarts, etc.

911

I don't really like the idea of having a stripper, but if I did the only suitable costume would be a firefighter.

Snappin' pics

What I wouldn't do to have a camera implanted in my eyes... you would get to see some great pictures!  (It's just so creepy to pull out the phone and take a picture, it's just too obvious).  I need something more subtle.

Mr. Postman

Snail mail is seriously underrated.  I mean I like the convenience of email and all, but who doesn't love getting stuff in the (real) mail!

Subtle

I like when there is a faint scent of a guy on your pillow. Its calming. Well except if it smells bad. Haha.